Tokophobia is a pathological fear of pregnancy and can lead to avoidance of childbirth. It can be classified as primary or secondary. Primary is morbid fear of childbirth in a woman, who has no previous experience of pregnancy.
This was me. Tokophobic. Terrified of childbirth. From memory, I had been terrified of childbirth from around the age of 19 or 20. I don't remember being so scared as a child although I have always been quite a squeamish person.
As an adult, such a phobia is debilitating and tokophobia specifically, doesn't seem to be recognised by many health professionals, especially midwives or any of those involved in caring for you and your pregnancy.
So how I came to have a baby is as baffling to me as it will be to anyone reading this. I always had the desire to have children but the fear was so strong that I pushed it to the back of my mind and was insistent that a life with children just was not for me. My fear would manifest itself in a number of different ways. Scenarios that were common ...
1) Discussing with friends news of new baby arrivals; If the conversation became detailed around the birth, I would begin to feel sick and usually I would have to hide myself away in the bathroom to be sick or sob into a tissue in the hope that when I returned to the room, the conversation had moved on.
2) Overhearing a discussion about childbirth between strangers on the bus. I fainted. The bus had to be emptied while an ambulance was called for me. (overdramatic, much? CRINGE).
3) Watching childbirth on TV (something I still avoid at all costs), I would very often pass out or get too upset to watch any further and turn over before it became gory.
Of course, as with any phobia, it is completely psychological but it took me until the age of 32 for my desire to have children to become greater than my fear of childbirth. Even then I knew it wouldn't be a simple journey and I would have to train my mind for D-day if I were to get through it with my sanity intact. My worry was that childbirth may traumatise me so much that I wouldn't be able to go through it again.
When I first discovered I was pregnant, I was delighted but of course, petrified. For the first few weeks, I spent many a morning sobbing into my pillow in sheer terror of what was to come. I tried to discuss my phobia with my GP and my midwives but they had no idea what I was talking about, with many of them completely disregarding me as just another scared mum to be. Tokophobia is definitely more than your natural fear of what lies ahead so this is when I decided to do some of my own research and embark upon my hypnobirthing journey.
The basic premise of hypnobirthing is to remove fear, which in doing so will reduce or eliminate pain. I followed the Marie Mongan method which promotes natural, drug free births. I was lucky enough to get in touch with an old school friend who was a hypnobirthing practicioner and together with my husband she took us through a series of classes that taught us about the fundamentals of childbirth along with all the tools and techniques I would need to get my through the birth of my first baby. Through hypnobirthing, I learned many techniques for relaxation and fear release and it taught me that despite how modern day society has shaped childbirth into a scary, horror inducing event, it is indeed a very natural, beautiful process. You just have to tell someone your wonderful pregnancy news and the first thing they do is discuss labour stories with you, mainly horrific ones! Why ladies must you torture others? Why?? Seriously, what is up with you?
Anyway, if you have read my previous posts, you will know that I ended up with a c-section. A lot of friends and family were very cynical of my attempts at a hypnobirth (and a water birth at that too) ... and they felt my efforts had been a waste of time and money given the outcome of my baby's delivery but I still cannot recommend hypnobirthing enough. The breathing and relaxation techniques helped me through my initial contractions (or surges as we referred to them in hypnobirthing) and c-section itself so it can definitely be adapted to whatever situation you end up in when delivering your baby.
As part of the hypnobirthing classes, we watched a lot of dvd's of births and I managed to do so without fainting, although it was touch and go with the first couple! I wouldn't go as far as to watch One Born Every Minute but it's been nice to watch the birth stories of fellow bloggers/vloggers on you tube. I would definitely recommend you watch Laura of Belles Boutique and Mrs Meldrum's you tube accounts of their birth stories.
I wouldn't say I am completely over my fear, despite now having a baby of my own but I do know that I would be happy to have another baby and put my hypnobirth training to good use again whether I go for another c-section or a natural birth (VBAC). It is disappointing however, that there aren't many resources, advice or help for women suffering tokophobia. I have yet to speak to a medical professional who will take me seriously about it although I know there has to be some out there.
If anything, I would love for anyone who suffers the same to be able to read this and know that they can do it. They can control their fear, they can deliver a baby and they can enjoy it. You don't have to live in fear of a few hours of your life that will give you the most precious gift you will ever know.
